Happy Mother's Day
Are you really celebrating your mother or are you acting like you're celebrating your mother?
The Mother’s Day full court press is kind of overwhelming and ridiculous. I’ve certainly noticed it before because my mom hated the commercialization of the holiday, the profiteering of florists and restaurants serving brunch, and on and on. Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten hundreds of e-mails from retailers that somehow have my e-mail address and in each one, they make an often tenuous connection between what they’re selling and Mother’s Day. Most of it is crap that will grow dust as it is shoved to the back of a closets—scented candles and sleep masks and wine chillers—as if most moms are living in an episode of Desperate Housewives or a Calgon commercial. Most of it is stuff that reinforces antiquated ideas about gender roles—household appliances and other items that might make the work of mothering easier without offering mothers what they might really want or need.
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We don’t live in a world that values mothers. On this one day, just one, we talk about how amazing mothers are, if we are so lucky as to actually have a good mother. But for the other 364 days of the year, mothers are largely ignored and disrespected. They are expected to tend to the children, drive them to school and soccer and this or that extracurricular activity. They are expected to know the names of their childrens’ friends, teachers, doctors, coaches, and other assorted people. They are expected to manage the entire family’s calendar, and buy gifts for birthdays and holidays, not only for immediate family but also the in-laws. They are expected to cook and clean and keep the home organized while, in most cases, also working a full-time job outside of the home. They help with homework and sign permission slips and read bedtime stories and during the summer, coordinate summer camps and other activities to keep the children occupied for eight hours a day.
Sometimes, a woman in a heterosexual partnership has a man who will help around the house and know some basic information about their children. Sometimes, they won’t refer to themselves as babysitting when caring for their own children. More often than not, such is not the case. Even now, the division of labor in most heterosexual relationships is wildly unbalanced and never in favor of mothers.