Marsha: On Memory and Being Remembered
An Audacious Book Club Discussion
I really love how Tourmaline handled the muddling of Marsha’s memories. It was a reminder of how human we all are. Have you ever altered or conflated stories about yourself? What does it mean to you to have witnesses to your life? What do you hope people would say about you after you’re gone? Have you ever had the opportunity to get to know any queer elders? What kinds of stories did you hear? Right now it is easier than ever to document what’s going on in our lives. Within that abundance, is there any part of your personal archive that is important to you?
Memory is so fascinating to me. When I was a child, I would occasionally remember an event that happened, only to realize it was a dream. For years I would have sworn that it was my sister Brooke who got bitten by a cousin’s dog, but recently I was reminded that it was Quinn. I think recognizing that my recollections are occasionally flawed keeps me honest. I hold on tightly to the stories I tell myself that have stayed consistent. How did I talk about this event in my life right after it happened? How do I talk about it now? Has my story changed? Did I tell someone who can retroactively validate that experience? Having witnesses to my life has been so helpful in keeping my sanity, and reminding me who I am and how I’ve lived.
Yes! Raised in a family of Irish Catholics (Olympic level secret keepers) I definitely want to be known. Always have. Even the ugly stuff. As someone in recovery, I don’t want to keep those things secret but my brothers and sisters seem to be afraid of what it will mean to my nieces and nephews if they know about it. so I struggle with what to share and when. But these are my stories, no one else’s. I recognize that at the end of the day it’s my choice. But I do want to be respectful and not burden anyone with information that they don’t want.