The Struggle to Say No

And how hard it is to hold that line

Few things are more difficult for me than saying “no.” I’m a people pleaser who struggles with self-esteem, so I often feel like I have to acquiesce to any and all demands for a modicum of consideration or tolerance from others. I also hate disappointing people. I don’t like to court the anger of others. Sometimes, saying yes is just easier. And, of course, sometimes I genuinely want to say yes to an interesting opportunity even though I am overloaded with work.

When I do say no, it takes a great deal of effort. I have to convince myself I am allowed to say no, that the world will not come to an end, that even if I disappoint someone, I will survive and, more importantly, so will they. On my desk in my office there is a Post-It that reads, “Learn to disappoint people,” and I look at it often, as a reminder and touchstone. I’m trying.