Fantastic. Ugh, how I felt so much of this as if my own youth group days were last week instead of 40 years ago...but especially that wild wave of dueling shame sources. Thank you, Amy.
There is so much to love in this piece. The vulnerability, the spare heaviness hidden under the rituals and games. I will read anything by this writer!
I didn't have access to a youth group (or requirement to attend?) but grew up also going to a church in a rented community hall. So much of the conflict of performance, rules seeming clear to most everyone else, etc., all resonated a lot from this piece! I have also been reading/listening to a lot of "quit lit" on this theme this year, as context for a memoir I'm working on. I'm repeatedly struck by how detailed and specific many of our written recollections are. I have a working hypothesis that it's because the majority of our readers (if they didn't grow up in these fringe religious settings) may not be able to relate to the nuance unless we make it very explicit. Amy, I wonder what you think on that front.
That's interesting that you put that idea forward, because when I think about growing up religious my mind often goes to that David Foster Wallace graduation speech, This is Water, because of how it flooded everything in my life to a degree that I probably still don't realize. My entire world growing up was filtered through this lens. I probably see the contrast most fully with my daughter who has a completely different knowledge set than I would have had at her age purely due to the lack of religion in our household now. And she hasn't read this piece, but I wonder how much of it she would understand. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think I've made a deliberate effort to explain nuances that outsiders would understand; it's more like: I had to get so far away before the whole picture falls into focus.
Yeah, that makes sense, too! The getting far enough away that it comes into focus, I mean. I grew up really rural and fairly poor, and there just wasn't quite enough "access" to it all to have it be water. Like, no availability of a private school, church we attended was an hour drive away, etc. So, I was always bumping up against other kinds of norms, through public school, other youth activities that weren't embedded in our church, etc. But, interestingly, I still needed a lot of distance (like another country and a couple decades) before the picture started to become clearer. One info source that has done a lot to clarify things for me is D.L. and Krispin Mayfield's STRONGWILLED book/newsletter/podcast. Might be of interest for you, too? https://strongwilled.substack.com/
Roxane, you’ve got a gift for curating the pulse of the culture, sharp, fearless, and unapologetically human. StormSide’s tuned in because voices like yours remind us why truth needs fire, not filters. 🔥⚡
Fantastic. Ugh, how I felt so much of this as if my own youth group days were last week instead of 40 years ago...but especially that wild wave of dueling shame sources. Thank you, Amy.
This is one of the best parts of getting this piece out into the world—hearing that it wasn’t just me! 💜
glad to have been part of that good feedback! It's never just us. Hope you keep writing!
There is so much to love in this piece. The vulnerability, the spare heaviness hidden under the rituals and games. I will read anything by this writer!
Thank you so much for these kind words!
I meant them!
I didn't have access to a youth group (or requirement to attend?) but grew up also going to a church in a rented community hall. So much of the conflict of performance, rules seeming clear to most everyone else, etc., all resonated a lot from this piece! I have also been reading/listening to a lot of "quit lit" on this theme this year, as context for a memoir I'm working on. I'm repeatedly struck by how detailed and specific many of our written recollections are. I have a working hypothesis that it's because the majority of our readers (if they didn't grow up in these fringe religious settings) may not be able to relate to the nuance unless we make it very explicit. Amy, I wonder what you think on that front.
That's interesting that you put that idea forward, because when I think about growing up religious my mind often goes to that David Foster Wallace graduation speech, This is Water, because of how it flooded everything in my life to a degree that I probably still don't realize. My entire world growing up was filtered through this lens. I probably see the contrast most fully with my daughter who has a completely different knowledge set than I would have had at her age purely due to the lack of religion in our household now. And she hasn't read this piece, but I wonder how much of it she would understand. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think I've made a deliberate effort to explain nuances that outsiders would understand; it's more like: I had to get so far away before the whole picture falls into focus.
Yeah, that makes sense, too! The getting far enough away that it comes into focus, I mean. I grew up really rural and fairly poor, and there just wasn't quite enough "access" to it all to have it be water. Like, no availability of a private school, church we attended was an hour drive away, etc. So, I was always bumping up against other kinds of norms, through public school, other youth activities that weren't embedded in our church, etc. But, interestingly, I still needed a lot of distance (like another country and a couple decades) before the picture started to become clearer. One info source that has done a lot to clarify things for me is D.L. and Krispin Mayfield's STRONGWILLED book/newsletter/podcast. Might be of interest for you, too? https://strongwilled.substack.com/
First-rate.
So exquisitely captured. I felt every word.
I don't often pause to read these guest contributors, but this one was absolutely outstanding. Bravo.
I am not codependent; I was groomed for abuse by religion.
Roxane, you’ve got a gift for curating the pulse of the culture, sharp, fearless, and unapologetically human. StormSide’s tuned in because voices like yours remind us why truth needs fire, not filters. 🔥⚡
Does Amy have a Substack we can follow?
Looking for a link to her Substack if she has one.
I do not, but thank you