Usually, gift giving is my love language. I am reluctant to use that phrase, love language, because it feels kind of silly but sometimes, silly things are apt nonetheless. I haven’t been feeling the holiday spirit this year. The reality is that my brother is dead. Nothing is the same without him. Very little feels like it matters. Grief and depression are kicking me in the teeth every single day. It’s hard to focus on work. It’s hard to feel like a writer. It’s hard to finish anything. I’m FINE. Everything is just… hard.