I’m often asked how I organize my days and I wish I had a great answer to offer, where I demonstrated writerly discipline and a well-organized day. Alas. Most weeks, I look at my calendar and I want to vomit at all the pastel shades filling up the blank canvas of each day. On Monday afternoons, I teach. Sometimes, I am in back-to-back meetings for hours. Other times, I have a meeting and then a four-hour block of “free” time and then another meeting. Sometimes, I have a meeting at home, and sometimes, it is at a studio or a publisher or someone’s office or a coffee shop or, like, Soho House so I have to figure out how long it will take me to cross town in NYC or navigate the ridiculous yet tolerable traffic in L.A., depending on where we are that week. At night, I often have events or I take in a show, or under duress, I must go to a gala. Sometimes, I am traveling for events. I could be anywhere! You never know where I will pop up. You will note that there is one critical thing not mentioned here and yes, that is writing. When do I write? Who could say?
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THURSDAY
Today was Juneteenth and most people had the day off so I received about a hundred fewer emails. That was nice. I met with my trainer at 10:30 for an excruciating workout and after, my arms were very sore. I got ready for the rest of the day and then Debbie and I had a meeting with LJ, the new managing editor of The Rumpus, a magazine we recently bought. Turns out, there’s a lot to do when you take over a magazine! Who knew? (I knew.)
Immediately after, I met with some of Debbie’s students at SVA about their thesis project because they needed a little guidance and I did what I could.
That night we had two friends over for dinner, another couple. They are charming and smart and always interesting. I roasted a chicken with lots of fresh herbs and lemon, made some crispy smashed potatoes, and a crisp green salad with a homemade French vinaigrette. It was great. For dessert, I ordered some confections from Posh Pop Bakeshop because one of our guests were gluten-free and that is not my baking ministry.
After, we retired for the day but that just means Debbie worked in bed and I worked in the den while our dog Max menaced the cats, snuck downstairs to eat cat food which would later make him have to go to the bathroom at three a.m., and I did DuoLingo and worked on an essay about power that I hope to send to my editor sometime this century.
FRIDAY
Worked out with my trainer. Still excruciating. My dad is coming for about a week so he arrived and I got him settled in his room. He wanted to watch (real) football, so I found the game he needed on TV and we hung out until Debbie came home from work at which time we had dinner from Westville.
Later, my dad needed help setting up YouTubeTV on the guest room TV so I did that before returning to the den to work. I thought about my power essay, added about 700 words, and then decided it was probably best to get DuoLingo done. That app is so damn stressful, and I don’t even have notifications. And if you miss a day and have to use a Streak Freeze, the app gets really passive aggressive. I don’t need this kind of stress in my life.
SATURDAY
My dad was in town because my cousin T recently got engaged to her long time boyfriend. Now, the invitation wasn’t big on details so I did not know what to expect. It took TWO HOURS to drive out there, beneath the burning sun. I can handle L.A. traffic but N.Y.C. traffic just makes me want to cry like a baby. We inched along, the arrival time getting further and further away. It was an ordeal.
Imagine my surprise when we get to T’s family’s house and there is a tent under which there are six round tables, decorated. Lots of people. Balloons hanging from the metal rafters. Music playing. Lots of beverages, adult and otherwise. This is my mom’s side of the family and my mom has MANY MANY siblings and her siblings have children so there are… a lot of us. I hung out with my cousins, mostly. My dad hung out with his sisters-in-law who adore him and he was enjoying himself. He is very much a family guy.
Then there was dinner. The food was incredible with a bewildering range on offer. My cousin is half-Haitian, half-Guyanese, so there was Guyanese food, Chinese food, Italian food, and fried chicken! She’s marrying a nice young man who is white so, there were two tables—one with food that was, shall we say, mild? Tasty! But mild. And another table with food that was vigorously seasoned. I found it so funny I took a picture. I am still laughing about it, days later. As it started to get dark we left and went to charge the car because I drive an electric car in NY (NOT A TESLA) and these car manufacturers are out here lying their asses off about how long that battery will last. Fortunately, it only took about 35 minutes to charge the car and at the end of the party, we learned that Trump bombed Iran without any Congressional authorization so we listened to MSNBC on SiriusXM while my dad went into T.J. Maxx to buy a pair of socks.
At home, my dad turned in for the night and Debbie and I hung out until we fell asleep.
SUNDAY
Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest and for once, it kind of was. I didn’t have any meetings, appointments or events today, which is rare. I hung out with my Dad and then he took the LIRR back out to my aunt’s house for dinner and Debbie went to the airport to fly up to Boston for a work thing. Max and I shuffled around the house, I did some work, and then I bought him a steak for dinner, which he loved.
MONDAY
A new thing I’ve started is weekly meetings with my “team.” I don’t know why I put that in quotation marks but I still find it surreal that I have two whole human colleagues who work with me. We discussed our pets and children and Dodgers baseball or other lesbian pastimes as all three of us are queer. Then I went over tasks that are urgent or more long term and gave an update on a long-gestating project that is finally moving into production. I’m trying to get everything on a more predictable schedule so I can stress less about things I do not want to be stressing about. It’s a work in progress.
For the past year and a half, I’ve been experimenting with various project management systems. I really like Trello but it wasn’t quite right. I’ve tried spreadsheets but, not quite right. Presently, we’re using AirTable and it’s not perfect because it’s hella complicated to use but it’s probably going to work. K and M shared updates on the various projects and tasks they’re working on and then we wrapped up.
In theory, I try to keep Mondays and Fridays meeting free so I can write for significant blocks of time, but theory and practice are two very different things. This day, though, I did indeed have the rest of the day free so I answered e-mails, did some work for The Rumpus, the magazine my wife Debbie and I just bought. I looked at my To-Do list, proceeded to ignore it, and did other small work-related things while watching Bar Rescue and Ink Masters on cable. So soothing.
My dad is very self-directed and always creates little activities for himself so that night he went to a (real) football game at MetLife with another one of my cousins. I have so, so many cousins. I was supposed to go to a book launch but I just didn’t have it in me. When my dad headed off to the game, I told him, “Don’t stay out too late and don’t show too much leg,” which made him laugh.
My brother and his wife are having a baby! The baby shower is Saturday. I went to their registry and bought them some gifts and I booked my ticket to Houston and then I met Debbie at Corner Bar for a late dinner proper date night. Corner Bar is supposed to be this buzzy place where the hip people go and such places often disappoint BUT the food was actually really good. We had a sweet waiter. The bread was freshly baked. It was nice to have some quality time.
When we got home, Max did this hilarious thing he does when we get home where he jumps up and down and runs around us frantically, as if we have been gone for ten years. Debbie fed the cats and a few minutes later, my Dad walked in with a bag from HomeGoods. When I asked him about it, he laughed because the day before, he mentioned to my aunt that his placemats at home were fraying and he couldn’t find the right ones to replace them. My aunt, who was my mom’s BFF, went to Home Goods, found the placemats, and sent them into the city with my cousin who went to the game with my dad. It was both sweet and bittersweet.
TUESDAY
This was a ridiculous day. I met with my trainer in the morning, it was miserable but whatever. An hour and a half later, I met with LJ, the new Rumpus managing editor. It was a long but productive meeting. After, I had a couple hours free and then I had therapy which is always so exhausting. I’m sick of myself but I guess I’ll continue working on my “issues,” a while longer. Immediately after that, Debbie and I met with the man who is redesigning The Rumpus for us. The new logo and aesthetic are absolutely amazing and I’m so excited for people to see what we’ve been up to.
Finally, at 8 pm., I had my book club where, this month, I was in conversation with the luminous Tourmaline and we talked about her new book Marsha which I highly recommend. With that work done, I waited for Debbie to get home from work and we ordered Haitian food from Rebèl, and the grub was goooooood. It had been a while since we last visited the restaurant but it did not disappoint.
I went to the NYT homepage to see what was happening with the mayoral primary and was thrilled to see that Mamdani pasted Cuomo. Hopefully, that vindictive asshole will recede from our collective memory, forever.
It was 10:30 at that point, so Debbie and I did the dishes and my dad turned in for the night and I poured myself a Boylan’s over ice with Luxardo cheerries and did my Duolingo just in the nick of time while watching Law & Order: SVU.
WEDNESDAY
I had two public events today. I wanted to speak with my manager but unfortunately, that is me. Before I could get ready, I met with L, an author on my Roxane Gay Books imprint with a forthcoming short story collection called Desperate Bodies. It is fire, as the youth were recently saying. I’m sure they’ve moved on. Anyway, I recently sent her my edits and so she wanted to talk through some of them. It was a good meeting and I enjoyed it because I love talking to writers I’m working with.
My dad caught a Man Cold from going into the shocking heat and then into frigid air conditioning in cars and businesses so he needed my help finding my mom’s tea, and I did and it was kind of heartbreaking to remember that she won’t ever be drinking tea here again.
I was ready to go to bed at that point and just be sad but I couldn’t so I changed into “event clothes,” which are strikingly similar to “everyday clothes.” I ran to GameStop because I am trying to find a Nintendo Switch 2 but they were still sold out. WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO GET A SWITCH 2? I went to the event, the Meta Pride Bookfair. It’s a really cool event, two years running now, where they bring in dozens and dozens of LGBTQIA+ authors. There are panels and book signings and all the attendees get FREE BOOKS. And a tote! And there were things to nosh on. And beverages. Debbie interviewed Tourmaline and Phoebe Robinson about Marsha, and signed books.
A half-hour later, I interviewed Jennifer Beals, yes, BETTE PORTER, about The L Word: A Photographic Journal. Backstage, we had a really lovely conversation about being introverts and disrupting canons and so on and then on stage, we talked about her book and her photography and the legacy of The L Word, and what lies ahead for her. It was a delight. Sometimes, I get to do very cool things.
After, I ran home, had 40 minutes to sit still, then changed, and my dad and I went up to Harlem, where I was in conversation with debut novelist Rob Franklin about his new book Great Black Hope. It was hosted by the Harlem School of the Arts and Word Up was the bookseller and they are always a treat to work with.
Before the event, my dad and I looked out at a beautiful courtyard in the school building and my dad started telling me about the Manhattan Schist. Fascinating. And once an engineer, always an engineer.
By the time we got home, I had used up all my socializing calories for the century. We waited for Debbie to come home from her second event of the day and we had dinner and then we all crashed.
THE END
perhaps my favorite DITL ever! thanks for sharing.
It’s like you plunked down on the couch and talked to ME! You’re the best writer.