Last week, a man (I assume) e-mailed me and said I was bad at writing. He said, “Since you dispense advice, I hope you won’t mind receiving some.” I should have stopped reading there but I don’t have that kind of discipline. The one place the column falls short is in the quality of the writing. I suspect you hear this often and I don't want to pile on but have you ever considered enrolling in a class at a community college, university, or even adult ed center? With all due respect, it is a relatively small and extremely worthwhile investment for someone in your profession.
THE. AUDACITY. I wonder about the people who have the time and negative energy to craft such wretchedness. But I can't sit and wonder for very long because THERE'S SHIT TO DO.
Roxane, you and your writing are a blessing to so many of us, and it's a huge shame that our brains latch on to the negatives with such force. You make a difference, your writing makes a difference.
Roxane -- I just wrote a thing about Sartre's "Hell is other people" and Behaviorist psychology and a dash of Severance, and I want to offer it to you as a possible perspective on "assholes from the internet." THE MIRROR LIES is the part of the essay I'd stress the most -- that when someone knows you care about how you look, and they are your mirror, they are in a position of great power and capable of great cruelty, and that cruelty is nothing to them but a game. https://amyletter.substack.com/p/no-exit-and-the-other-one
I completely quit social media in August 2018, and have only gingerly stepped back for brief moments and purposes since then. The reason for my departure was almost entirely my peace of mind. I was spending too much time thinking about what other people think and not enough time dwelling in my own thoughts. For the past several years I have had greater ownership of my own mind and time, and it's felt like getting my life back.
I don't suggest anyone can do that, or that you specifically should do that, but my lived experience tells me that there's something awful about being online that we have not as a society really figured out yet, and that creating some really thick and tall boundaries between the self and the Human Network is an absolute benefit to our mental well-being.
Also, I love you. I know you're not a hugger, but please accept my distant digital hugs and respect. That dude was absolutely a troll who was having a laugh, 100%. It sucks that he got access to your eyes. I hope he gets a persistent rash in a nasty place.
I have come to accept this feedback loop as a universal experience of Being a Writer Who Isn't a Mediocre White Man. I am immensely grateful to a panel I attended at AWP on writing beyond what is prescriptive for helping me manage the need to write a Perfect Thing and how that gets in the way of telling the stories I didn't get to read as a queer teenager. I am grateful to you for all you have written and shared with the world. And for the record, reading your work has made me a better writer.
Oh god. This is the story of many days in my life, and may I say, you wrote it beautifully. I understand, so well, the paralysis that comes with not being able to escape the future public life of any given song, art, or piece of writing. Having struggled with this for years, I went through an extreme phase for a while of putting out very fast, very sloppy, very “i do not care if this is poorly mixed or badly edited” middle-finger-to-perfection artwork. I still rarely capitalize (CHECK ME OUT!!!) and I still post stream-of-whatever and the general upshot has been a devoted patron-base, who love and respect that I have more or less taken my hat out of other rings. And then…of course…come the waves of doubt. What the fuck have I done? Why have I not tried harder for perfection, to pass as a much more mature and adult writer, where would I be NOW if I had just taken…everything…more…seriously. And then I realize: the likes of you and I have gotten where we are by doing exactly What We Did. No more, no less. And here we are. We succeeded, in whatever way, and are not afraid to air these kind of (totally common) self doubts. That in itself is the proof, the end, the sun, the win.
Steve or whatever (I feel, instinctively, that Steve is probably your comment-tormentors name) has inspired a great piece of writing here. I loved it.
Let’s all say thank you to Steve, and all the Steves to come.
ps I am with you in being more Debbie-like…I am about to spend the entire summer turning off most social media and just engaging on other newsletters like this, and my own. It’s too addictive.
I am glad you are doing what you can to break the toxic feedback loop. I must admit I’m one of those people who quite enjoys your comebacks, but, yeah, I’m not sure what that serves. I just subscribed to Audacity because I love your writing, I love the writers you introduce us to, and I don’t want to lose having your voice in my ear. Take care Roxane.
Clearly, this so-called writing expert, is a troll who writes to people who take to the time to write in this online format, and who he assumes may be open to responding to his unsolicited offer to help (at a price.) Nearly all writers are insecure --it is a good a productive manifestation of the desire to write (and be) better. So, personally, I'd respond the way the painter Christopher Wool used to respond to unsolicited criticism back in the 1990's. He'd hand the critic a card saying something like "your criticism has been noted, fuck you very much."
I love how you start with this asshole’s presumptuous, arrogant, misguided and ridiculous feedback and end with an honest examination of where you find yourself with your writing. That’s magic. You’re magic.
What's that saying? "If I wouldn't take advice from this person, why would I take criticism?" I don't know where I read that or who originally wrote it, but I've found it a useful little mantra.
But damn, how exhausting. One more thing on top of a thousand other "one more things" we've all been feeling lately.
My dad was that man. I mean, not that actual man, because my father is no longer alive, but he loved to give unsolicited advice to women because he thought men were superior. I could hear his voice in this and I am sorry you had to deal with such nonsense. You are a fantastic writer, not that you need me to tell you that, and while I have read many of your serious essays and your book about the body my favorite is still the one about Scrabble tournaments.
This is what Maya Angelou meant when she told Dave Chappell on Iconoclasts “Don’t pick it up, and don’t put it down.” People sing your praises and then tear you down, and neither belong to you. It’s hard to convey how much you and your writing mean to sooooo many people. We love you Roxane. Our world shines a gazillion times brighter because you’re in it. Big big hugs. Xoxo Ida
Just noise in the wind, of course, but cleverly structured around the asserted but never demonstrated superiority of your troll's ego, whomsoever they may be. Stacked deck. Not an honest critical engagement.
But the hesitancy you describe about your daily writing is dreadfully familiar, and I haven't even gotten to a whole book yet.
I am old, white and female; old enough to remember what it was like to make and critically discuss work prior to social media.The problem then was the prejudice, unexamined, unchallenged, of the gate keepers. The gates were pretty tiny and carefully pruned to protect the legacy of the gate keepers—tribalism masquerading as Taste and Quality.
I, like many I suspect, find this historical moment both terrifying and exhilarating. I hope we get to the promised land of equal respect and generous openness before we obliterate each other, leaving the planet to the arthropods to try, one more time, to get living together right.
But you are writing. You're writing these wonderful Audacity posts. Get the haters out of your head. Any hack can sit in his mothers basement in his underwear and complain. That’s how I visualize the haters and it makes it easy to ignore them.
THE. AUDACITY. I wonder about the people who have the time and negative energy to craft such wretchedness. But I can't sit and wonder for very long because THERE'S SHIT TO DO.
Roxane, you and your writing are a blessing to so many of us, and it's a huge shame that our brains latch on to the negatives with such force. You make a difference, your writing makes a difference.
Roxane -- I just wrote a thing about Sartre's "Hell is other people" and Behaviorist psychology and a dash of Severance, and I want to offer it to you as a possible perspective on "assholes from the internet." THE MIRROR LIES is the part of the essay I'd stress the most -- that when someone knows you care about how you look, and they are your mirror, they are in a position of great power and capable of great cruelty, and that cruelty is nothing to them but a game. https://amyletter.substack.com/p/no-exit-and-the-other-one
I completely quit social media in August 2018, and have only gingerly stepped back for brief moments and purposes since then. The reason for my departure was almost entirely my peace of mind. I was spending too much time thinking about what other people think and not enough time dwelling in my own thoughts. For the past several years I have had greater ownership of my own mind and time, and it's felt like getting my life back.
I don't suggest anyone can do that, or that you specifically should do that, but my lived experience tells me that there's something awful about being online that we have not as a society really figured out yet, and that creating some really thick and tall boundaries between the self and the Human Network is an absolute benefit to our mental well-being.
Also, I love you. I know you're not a hugger, but please accept my distant digital hugs and respect. That dude was absolutely a troll who was having a laugh, 100%. It sucks that he got access to your eyes. I hope he gets a persistent rash in a nasty place.
I have come to accept this feedback loop as a universal experience of Being a Writer Who Isn't a Mediocre White Man. I am immensely grateful to a panel I attended at AWP on writing beyond what is prescriptive for helping me manage the need to write a Perfect Thing and how that gets in the way of telling the stories I didn't get to read as a queer teenager. I am grateful to you for all you have written and shared with the world. And for the record, reading your work has made me a better writer.
At the risk of descending to this cretin's level, what an asshole. Maybe he should take your Master Class and actually learn something.
You made me feel normal today Roxane. Thank you for being willing to be honest and vulnerable!
Oh god. This is the story of many days in my life, and may I say, you wrote it beautifully. I understand, so well, the paralysis that comes with not being able to escape the future public life of any given song, art, or piece of writing. Having struggled with this for years, I went through an extreme phase for a while of putting out very fast, very sloppy, very “i do not care if this is poorly mixed or badly edited” middle-finger-to-perfection artwork. I still rarely capitalize (CHECK ME OUT!!!) and I still post stream-of-whatever and the general upshot has been a devoted patron-base, who love and respect that I have more or less taken my hat out of other rings. And then…of course…come the waves of doubt. What the fuck have I done? Why have I not tried harder for perfection, to pass as a much more mature and adult writer, where would I be NOW if I had just taken…everything…more…seriously. And then I realize: the likes of you and I have gotten where we are by doing exactly What We Did. No more, no less. And here we are. We succeeded, in whatever way, and are not afraid to air these kind of (totally common) self doubts. That in itself is the proof, the end, the sun, the win.
Steve or whatever (I feel, instinctively, that Steve is probably your comment-tormentors name) has inspired a great piece of writing here. I loved it.
Let’s all say thank you to Steve, and all the Steves to come.
ps I am with you in being more Debbie-like…I am about to spend the entire summer turning off most social media and just engaging on other newsletters like this, and my own. It’s too addictive.
I am glad you are doing what you can to break the toxic feedback loop. I must admit I’m one of those people who quite enjoys your comebacks, but, yeah, I’m not sure what that serves. I just subscribed to Audacity because I love your writing, I love the writers you introduce us to, and I don’t want to lose having your voice in my ear. Take care Roxane.
Thank you so much for this. It made me laugh and cringe and honestly I just really relate.
Clearly, this so-called writing expert, is a troll who writes to people who take to the time to write in this online format, and who he assumes may be open to responding to his unsolicited offer to help (at a price.) Nearly all writers are insecure --it is a good a productive manifestation of the desire to write (and be) better. So, personally, I'd respond the way the painter Christopher Wool used to respond to unsolicited criticism back in the 1990's. He'd hand the critic a card saying something like "your criticism has been noted, fuck you very much."
I love how you start with this asshole’s presumptuous, arrogant, misguided and ridiculous feedback and end with an honest examination of where you find yourself with your writing. That’s magic. You’re magic.
What's that saying? "If I wouldn't take advice from this person, why would I take criticism?" I don't know where I read that or who originally wrote it, but I've found it a useful little mantra.
But damn, how exhausting. One more thing on top of a thousand other "one more things" we've all been feeling lately.
My dad was that man. I mean, not that actual man, because my father is no longer alive, but he loved to give unsolicited advice to women because he thought men were superior. I could hear his voice in this and I am sorry you had to deal with such nonsense. You are a fantastic writer, not that you need me to tell you that, and while I have read many of your serious essays and your book about the body my favorite is still the one about Scrabble tournaments.
This is what Maya Angelou meant when she told Dave Chappell on Iconoclasts “Don’t pick it up, and don’t put it down.” People sing your praises and then tear you down, and neither belong to you. It’s hard to convey how much you and your writing mean to sooooo many people. We love you Roxane. Our world shines a gazillion times brighter because you’re in it. Big big hugs. Xoxo Ida
The fact that this dude provided zero examples is an example of his poor writing skills
Just noise in the wind, of course, but cleverly structured around the asserted but never demonstrated superiority of your troll's ego, whomsoever they may be. Stacked deck. Not an honest critical engagement.
But the hesitancy you describe about your daily writing is dreadfully familiar, and I haven't even gotten to a whole book yet.
I am old, white and female; old enough to remember what it was like to make and critically discuss work prior to social media.The problem then was the prejudice, unexamined, unchallenged, of the gate keepers. The gates were pretty tiny and carefully pruned to protect the legacy of the gate keepers—tribalism masquerading as Taste and Quality.
I, like many I suspect, find this historical moment both terrifying and exhilarating. I hope we get to the promised land of equal respect and generous openness before we obliterate each other, leaving the planet to the arthropods to try, one more time, to get living together right.
But you are writing. You're writing these wonderful Audacity posts. Get the haters out of your head. Any hack can sit in his mothers basement in his underwear and complain. That’s how I visualize the haters and it makes it easy to ignore them.