oh… the image of Fuji crawling into her palm after all that neglect, i had to pause there. the way she holds both the guilt and the tenderness without trying to clean it up feels so honest, especially that line about i can’t take care of both of us. curious how you chose this piece, what in it stayed with you the most? excited to connect!!
this is so kind, thank you!! i am a new writer, but have a few other pieces you can find at alexandfox.com/writing <3 thank you so much for the support
The hundred-dollar checkout is where this piece becomes something more than a grief essay. Two kids staring at each other, realising they don't know what food costs, and the shift from shared shock to blame by the second time it happens. That's the whole dynamic of grief compressed into a supermarket aisle. The carrots cut smaller making things worse is doing the same work on a smaller scale. Everything in this piece is about trying to help and making it worse. Love it! Thanks for sharing.
Ala/Alex, I’ve been a silent reader of your writing and what you’ve written about your life. And every time it’s gut wrenching and I’m in awe of how much insight you have in what you’ve gone through and to write about it in a clear and honest manner. Keep writing! I’ll keep reading. This one made me cry.
It is such a powerful story and I cried as well. I felt such sadness but also hopelessness at the end of the story, and a slight sense of ‘I wish I’d been warned before reading this so I could have chosen a better time to read it’, even though I’ve questioned the use of trigger warnings myself at times. I immediately had questions about why no one reported the situation or intervened, or if they did, that context seems relevant, as it’s not a fiction piece - it involves a life. I also had immediate questions about the state of mind and insights of Ala in the present. I did feel left with no where to go emotionally - I don’t flinch away from powerful or traumatic stories, but a few hours later I started wondering if an essay or short memoir writing about such traumatic material would benefit from some more adult reflection and a kind of emotional scaffolding for the reader (holding the reader’s hand a little more). This reflection is interesting to me because I write about trauma, and have taught memoir writing, and it’s got me thinking about my own approach. The writing doesn’t need to make everything ok, but in this case I think an adult reflection and some more context would frame the essay and possible lead to the reader questioning the concepts more - rather than simply feeling powerful emotions, and perhaps feeling lost as to whether this child was left in this abandoned state through the teen years. Anyway, I’m not sure if this feedback is useful, but if it resonates with Ala or other readers, then it is. The piece definitely shows the talent of the writer. I will read more of your writing!
God, this broke my heart! I wonder how old you are now, and if you realize that your story is of a child (children, including your sister) who was criminally neglected by your father. There's no ethical, moral, or legal way you should have been left alone as you were. I commend you for surviving as you did! What you experienced was abuse by way of neglect, and it's clear your young self had no way of knowing. My heart goes out to you and your sister. I hope you are well and thriving now!
oh… the image of Fuji crawling into her palm after all that neglect, i had to pause there. the way she holds both the guilt and the tenderness without trying to clean it up feels so honest, especially that line about i can’t take care of both of us. curious how you chose this piece, what in it stayed with you the most? excited to connect!!
What a beautiful and heartbreaking piece - I wish there was more by Ala to read. Thank you for sharing this Roxane.
this is so kind, thank you!! i am a new writer, but have a few other pieces you can find at alexandfox.com/writing <3 thank you so much for the support
Thank you Ala!! Will check out them now.
That is the saddest story I have read in a very long time. It's also beautiful, and a serious gut-punch. Thank you so much.
Wow. Simply powerful.
<3
The hundred-dollar checkout is where this piece becomes something more than a grief essay. Two kids staring at each other, realising they don't know what food costs, and the shift from shared shock to blame by the second time it happens. That's the whole dynamic of grief compressed into a supermarket aisle. The carrots cut smaller making things worse is doing the same work on a smaller scale. Everything in this piece is about trying to help and making it worse. Love it! Thanks for sharing.
i love this <3 thank you
I don’t remember the last time a story filled me which such horrified sadness. Simply but stunningly written by an author who’s going to go far.
you made me cry :') i will try to!!
Ah, this was sad. i was totally absorbed in reading it
Ala/Alex, I’ve been a silent reader of your writing and what you’ve written about your life. And every time it’s gut wrenching and I’m in awe of how much insight you have in what you’ve gone through and to write about it in a clear and honest manner. Keep writing! I’ll keep reading. This one made me cry.
thank you so much for this such kind comment and for telling me that!! writing can be so hard and knowing this is such a joy. i will inshallah!
Beautiful. Tender, vulnerable. Courageous, and heartbreaking.
thank you so much for reading <3
I have such mixed feelings. On one hand, my heart breaks that you had to go through this; on the other, I’m in awe of the writing.
It is such a powerful story and I cried as well. I felt such sadness but also hopelessness at the end of the story, and a slight sense of ‘I wish I’d been warned before reading this so I could have chosen a better time to read it’, even though I’ve questioned the use of trigger warnings myself at times. I immediately had questions about why no one reported the situation or intervened, or if they did, that context seems relevant, as it’s not a fiction piece - it involves a life. I also had immediate questions about the state of mind and insights of Ala in the present. I did feel left with no where to go emotionally - I don’t flinch away from powerful or traumatic stories, but a few hours later I started wondering if an essay or short memoir writing about such traumatic material would benefit from some more adult reflection and a kind of emotional scaffolding for the reader (holding the reader’s hand a little more). This reflection is interesting to me because I write about trauma, and have taught memoir writing, and it’s got me thinking about my own approach. The writing doesn’t need to make everything ok, but in this case I think an adult reflection and some more context would frame the essay and possible lead to the reader questioning the concepts more - rather than simply feeling powerful emotions, and perhaps feeling lost as to whether this child was left in this abandoned state through the teen years. Anyway, I’m not sure if this feedback is useful, but if it resonates with Ala or other readers, then it is. The piece definitely shows the talent of the writer. I will read more of your writing!
God, this broke my heart! I wonder how old you are now, and if you realize that your story is of a child (children, including your sister) who was criminally neglected by your father. There's no ethical, moral, or legal way you should have been left alone as you were. I commend you for surviving as you did! What you experienced was abuse by way of neglect, and it's clear your young self had no way of knowing. My heart goes out to you and your sister. I hope you are well and thriving now!