Whoa. That was intense, wild, illuminating. Grateful to know ahead of time that the author is out and pursuing healing through writing. I am so grateful to Roxanne for providing a home for this kind of writing. I can’t imagine any other venue
that would have the guts and heart to publish something like this. So beautiful, disturbing, provocative. Thank you Finn and Roxanne!
I have read every piece shared through this series, and have consistently been impressed - and often invigorated.
Today is the first time I have felt a piece was truly - audacious - daring w/o thought of personal safety, conventional thought, or other restrictions.
It’s so clear that every word was chosen carefully; every detail is included on purpose - and for a purpose.
I’m also so taken by how it is clearly part of a larger narrative (I hope you are writing a memoir!) but it also feels finished. I don’t need - want - to know the things I don’t know. This is a skill I personally am struggling to hone, and I’m grateful to have an example of it that is so brash and unchecked (the way I write).
I’m also taken aback by the pacing and how it feels dirty and claustrophobic and harsh. A use if form we see way more often in poetry than narrative essay.
Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for writing this. I can’t wait to read more.
Devastating, painful, difficult, graphic - forced myself to continue to read. You and these men are our sons, brothers, husbands, friends, bosses, neighbors. You've made the invisible visible. Your wife is us, our sisters, our mothers. We are all in this together. No looking back, just forward. Thank you, Finn.
Really strong piece. The pacing is very tight and you feel the claustrophobia of the bathroom. I also liked the added layer of moral ambiguity at the end!
I read this while practically holding my breath throughout. It was such a vivid and honest read. It was a glimpse into a life I know nothing about and I was caught up in the urgency, tension and poignancy of it all. As others have said, I'm grateful for a place where I can read important stories like this.
How beautifully you are “writing [your]self back together again.” I’ve never known the world you illustrate, but your descriptions of the power of shame resonate deeply. Thank you for letting us in.
FINN!! Omg. This was unbelievable. Heartbreaking. Haunting. Beautiful. Thank you for this essay. I’m so glad to see your voice reverberate louder in the world!!
Much more detail than I thought I wanted to know, but so well written I could not stop reading. Whoa! I was glad to remember the writer is now happily coupled. An amazing and wild read. A study of humanity, indeed.
Finn, this is the most gripping piece of writing I've read in recent months. Your style is so brazen and honest, I love how you don't shy away from the visceral details that really plant the reader in time and space with the narrator, for better or worse. This is what creative nonfiction should be! I'll be keeping an eye out for more of your work. <3
I know and love Finn Deerhart's work, writing and his ability to be vulnerable and starkly self-aware. What I have read before has been authentic, often with an authoritative, academic tone. But, wow, here I read a transformed writer who has the ability to let simple, powerful language do the heavy lifting to deliver the body blow of his courageous narrative. This is literature. Some of the metaphors are surprising and simply heart-stopping (e.g. "Beneath our skin, we are lotuses in mud."). I cannot wait to read the full memoir that is hopefully coming soon! Thank you Finn!
This was so good that I had to leave a comment, which I'm doing for the first time ever on Substack. I hope I get to read more of your writings, Finn, wherever they get published
This is so incredibly well written. The constant consumption of bodies required of being in the closet, yet feeling ashamed and unquenched shows it's futility. I love how the narrator is so in tune with this eco-system but denies it still. The language was so intense and unrelenting. Amazing work!
Holy shit, Finn. You write so beautifully, both challenging and holding us thru discomfort. Really, challenging us to consider our own shame and to hold our humanity above it. Thank u for sharing and in doing so, inspiring. Much love <3
Beautifully written piece. The imagery painted is so vivid that one need not be familiar with the world described to feel completely the emotions communicated.
Whoa. That was intense, wild, illuminating. Grateful to know ahead of time that the author is out and pursuing healing through writing. I am so grateful to Roxanne for providing a home for this kind of writing. I can’t imagine any other venue
that would have the guts and heart to publish something like this. So beautiful, disturbing, provocative. Thank you Finn and Roxanne!
I have read every piece shared through this series, and have consistently been impressed - and often invigorated.
Today is the first time I have felt a piece was truly - audacious - daring w/o thought of personal safety, conventional thought, or other restrictions.
It’s so clear that every word was chosen carefully; every detail is included on purpose - and for a purpose.
I’m also so taken by how it is clearly part of a larger narrative (I hope you are writing a memoir!) but it also feels finished. I don’t need - want - to know the things I don’t know. This is a skill I personally am struggling to hone, and I’m grateful to have an example of it that is so brash and unchecked (the way I write).
I’m also taken aback by the pacing and how it feels dirty and claustrophobic and harsh. A use if form we see way more often in poetry than narrative essay.
Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for writing this. I can’t wait to read more.
Devastating, painful, difficult, graphic - forced myself to continue to read. You and these men are our sons, brothers, husbands, friends, bosses, neighbors. You've made the invisible visible. Your wife is us, our sisters, our mothers. We are all in this together. No looking back, just forward. Thank you, Finn.
Really strong piece. The pacing is very tight and you feel the claustrophobia of the bathroom. I also liked the added layer of moral ambiguity at the end!
I felt every word that you chose.
Keep writing
I read this while practically holding my breath throughout. It was such a vivid and honest read. It was a glimpse into a life I know nothing about and I was caught up in the urgency, tension and poignancy of it all. As others have said, I'm grateful for a place where I can read important stories like this.
Finn,
How beautifully you are “writing [your]self back together again.” I’ve never known the world you illustrate, but your descriptions of the power of shame resonate deeply. Thank you for letting us in.
FINN!! Omg. This was unbelievable. Heartbreaking. Haunting. Beautiful. Thank you for this essay. I’m so glad to see your voice reverberate louder in the world!!
Incredible work, Finn. I was riveted by your honesty and vulnerability. Looking forward to reading more stories from you. Bravo!
Much more detail than I thought I wanted to know, but so well written I could not stop reading. Whoa! I was glad to remember the writer is now happily coupled. An amazing and wild read. A study of humanity, indeed.
Finn, this is the most gripping piece of writing I've read in recent months. Your style is so brazen and honest, I love how you don't shy away from the visceral details that really plant the reader in time and space with the narrator, for better or worse. This is what creative nonfiction should be! I'll be keeping an eye out for more of your work. <3
I know and love Finn Deerhart's work, writing and his ability to be vulnerable and starkly self-aware. What I have read before has been authentic, often with an authoritative, academic tone. But, wow, here I read a transformed writer who has the ability to let simple, powerful language do the heavy lifting to deliver the body blow of his courageous narrative. This is literature. Some of the metaphors are surprising and simply heart-stopping (e.g. "Beneath our skin, we are lotuses in mud."). I cannot wait to read the full memoir that is hopefully coming soon! Thank you Finn!
This was so good that I had to leave a comment, which I'm doing for the first time ever on Substack. I hope I get to read more of your writings, Finn, wherever they get published
This is so incredibly well written. The constant consumption of bodies required of being in the closet, yet feeling ashamed and unquenched shows it's futility. I love how the narrator is so in tune with this eco-system but denies it still. The language was so intense and unrelenting. Amazing work!
Holy shit, Finn. You write so beautifully, both challenging and holding us thru discomfort. Really, challenging us to consider our own shame and to hold our humanity above it. Thank u for sharing and in doing so, inspiring. Much love <3
Beautifully written piece. The imagery painted is so vivid that one need not be familiar with the world described to feel completely the emotions communicated.